Some moments are numb, some are painful and others are just wonderful. All day I cycle through an incredible joy, a devastating pain and a boring routine. How do I live when my father is lying in a hospital bed just waiting to not wake up. That is his prognosis. He will just sleep longer and longer until he doesn't wake up. As much as I don't want to lose my father, the man in the bed has my father's heart, but that is not the man that I want to keep. I want the strong man, who worked hard and loved even harder. He was a tough no nonsense man who loved nonsense. He was funny and did everything he could to make ends meet so that his family would not be without the essentials. I grew up spoiled. Spoiled with love and hugs, activities and stories but nothing materialistic. I never noticed that we were poor. I heard one of my parents say that we were $1.00 above the poverty line, I never understood what it meant. Apparently our apartment when I was a child had drafts in winter that was why we put rolled up blankets in between the windows and door frames. I thought everyone did that. But my parents made it work. I digress. Most days I wake up refreshed from a great nights sleep. My daughter sleeps from 10 pm until 5:30 am. I am so lucky to have an easy baby right now. Having a baby is emotional enough add family sickness' (yes plural, I'll get to that eventually) and a husband who renovates but doesn't finish a project along with him having to find a new job, well it puts a lot of strain on a person.