John Travolta and Ellen DeGeneres

I just woke up from a nap with my darling daughter and dreamt about my dad.  He came into the apartment where we lived in laval, looking like he used to, strong, shaved head and busy.  He handed me a newspaper article and there was a picture of dad in between John Travolta and Ellen!  He said "Now you'll believe me."  Mémère was there telling me which page to turn as the picture was in the table of contents of the newspaper.  I looked to the wall near me and there was two pictures stuck in between the picture frame and the glass. Ones I had never seen before in real life but that look so familiar in my dream.  Mom and dad are dressed as cowboys.  The first picture on the right has mom looking down at something or at dad and her face hides dad's face; in the second they are smiling right at the camera.  Then I am standing with my dad and to his left is Simon Cowell with a huge smile.  During this dream I am trying to understand how my dad met Ellen and John Travolta (why do we say Ellen and not just John?).  So I asked him questions.  I can't remember the order as the dream is fading but the gist is I thought he was in a movie and then figured out that they went to a movie premier and got dressed up.  I don't know how he met John Travolta and Ellen though.  The actors of the film were coming out of the back of the room dressed in their movie costumes. It was like a sci-fi/cowboy flick.....like maybe a Spaceballs kind of movie (can't remember the director so funny).  The crowd booed the bad guys and shot  the aliens with their lasers aliens.  Through the whole dream I kept leaning on dad in a half hug and then I would be fifteen feet away from him.  There was no one between us but I never understood how I got so far from him each time then  zwoopp like I was on a conveyor belt a I would wind up back next to him, then the belt would send me away.

Weird.  I think I know what I did. As I can seem to figure out the name of the director I mixed up Spaceballs and shit, I forgot the cowboy movie he made......grrr.

First my dad now my dog.

I thought I was fine.  Monday night we put our dog to sleep.  I cried as I held her on my lap on our way to the vet.  So trustworthy, so unassuming.  She thought we were going on a road trip and she was invited.  I felt like I was betraying her.  My husband brought her in as I wept in the back seat with my seven month old smiling at me.  I watched our dog through the window as she willingly followed the technician to the back of the office.  Then my husband came out and we drove home silently.

I thought I was fine.  But everything I do reminds me that she is gone.  She is not following me everywhere I go.  There is no more barking to let me know that someone is passing in front of our house.  There is a truck parked in the front neighbours driveway and I didn't know in was there. She would have let me know.  No one asking for the door in the morning, no one greeting us at the door when we come home.  It is so easy now to pull the covers over my shoulders at night because she is no longer sleeping at our feet.

I thought I was fine.  I told myself that an animal is not like a human.  You don't plan a future with them. I didn't expect her to be there for my daughter's first day of school or wedding......but I guess I planned for her to be here today and tomorrow.

But she was there.  When my husband found her, he was living with his parents.  When I went to sleep over on the weekends, our dog would kick me in the back because her spot in bed was in my husband's arms.  I quickly let her know that when I was there his arms were mine and then she would spoon behind my knees.

We taught her to sit, give her paws and roll over.   We taught her to take treats slowly and not snap.  She taught me to appreciate every little thing that you are given.  Some weeks I wouldn't take her out for walks and when I did, she never threw the times I didn't in my face. She was just grateful that she was going out.

She went from dark black to grey.  You would swear that she was smiling.

I miss her more than I thought I would. After all, she's just a dog right.....wrong.